I want to start this off by saying; I really could care less if someone does or does not particularly like me, but when I come to Knockturn, a server where I consider it a safe place to meet friends and just have general joy with people, it upsets me to know that I am being spoken negatively of behind my back and just generally being shown unkindness.
This is what started this all:
This had raised a bit of suspicion and curiosity to me, but I originally brushed it off believeing that though Ryder and I are not quite fond of each other and may not quite like each other anymore as in the past, all was OK. Until this appeared:
During this time, Antlie and I were in a VC and of course I had to know what he meant when he spoke of this. To his surprise I was unaware that she had these benevolent feelings towards me. Of course him being surprised made me suspicious, but how could I just believe that? I clarified in the VC during this time that I didn’t believe Ryder liked me very much, but not so far as hate me. When she got extremely defensive and more information was revealed I did not believe I was hearing the full truth from either of them.
At this point I am incredibly upset and confused because of the casualness that Antlie had when he said, “It’s the truth and I thought everyone knew lol.” All this tells me is that she was expressing her negative opinion to I can’t even imagine how many people and this makes me feel incredibly insecure now because I have no way of knowing what she said, who she said it to, or what some people think of me now. I even quote Antlie when I said, “I thought you were an ass after the things she said about you.”
Antlie then told me that after he made his statement of Ryder despising me in Global, she dmed him upset asking why she was revealing private information. It’s incredibly difficult for me to prove this because both of them are guilty of deleting a numerous amount of discord dms so my evidence is limited. I can’t speak for everything Ryder and Antlie were privately sending messages to each other about, but it was very clear at this point I was being lied to, and continuously lied to, with the deletion of messages to cover tracks.
A few months ago we had played on our own client-side server just the three of us to play Pixelmon. All was well and we enjoyed it and it came to and end on its own to my knowledge. Soon after an entirely new Pixelmon server was made without me, and I did not hear of this until recently when I observed this photo on instagram:
And after having it revealed to me that a pixelmon group was made in spite of me, I soon came to realize that this group went much farther than the original three of us had ever gone to enjoy pixelmon together. When I brought this information up, the points that were being argued with all contradicted each other and made it obvious I was yet again not being told the full truth:
It feels as though all of this was made in the first place with the sole intention of leaving me out. We had originally just played on our own client-side server to play Pixelmon with each other but only spoke in group messages. To my knowledge all was well and we simply lost interest until it was revealed to me now that this was far from the truth in the end. In all my time of being knockturn, I can’t even remember how many times it was mentioned by Pande or some other owner or staff that making discord servers of Knockturn players is NOT allowed, and yet one was made after they had decided to play Pixelmon and leave me out. I received these screenshots from Antlie but do not have anything more because as previously stated, much was deleted by both of them.
Though I couldn’t be happier that Antlie was kind enough to provide me with as much information as he could and being honest with me finally and revealing a concept of negative expression towards me I had no clue existed, hes not quite so innocent either for being involved in all of this for so long and not mentioning it to me sooner as well as deleting information like Ryder.
It’s stuff like this that hurts me knowing a person who though I may not have been connected to anymore but still respected, would speak terribly and act terribly towards me. As previously mentioned, the world is not perfect and I obviously can’t make everyone like me. With this revealed to me though, I have no way of knowing what she has said about me, but its very clear that it was negative things and I feel nothing but insecurity and anxiety knowing people I am with on knockturn regularly may have gained poor impressions of me, without being able to speak for myself. The feelings I have playing on knockturn are now mixed with insecurity. If I am being over dramatic or if I am actually in the wrong or have pushed too far please let me know; I will apologize to both Antlie and Ryder verbally, but for the moment I don’t believe that to be the case. Either way I feel as though appropriate action should be taken, whatever that may be.