Been a while, hasn’t it?
Minecraft Username: Poisin_Kat
Hogwarts Roleplay Name: Katna Malamius
Reason for Ban: Entering Forbidden Areas
Why should we let you back in? Where do I even begin?
Going to be honest, if you look at my ban reasoning and how I reacted, you shouldn’t. Full stop. I haven’t appealed since July of last year out of pure embarrassment and pettiness, not much more. I was all high and mighty in my head and thought myself better than everyone else, I thought that I was in the right. Wow, what a joke that was. With a final stance, I took to messaging Pandette out of bitterness and told her the server was dying and that it was her fault, and then she promptly laid out the facts from a staff point of view and pointed out the holes in my story and I quickly realized my error. I unfriended her (and everyone from Knockturn that I didn’t talk to), closed the conversations, and essentially ran away. Although I do still disagree quite heavily with plenty of things, it’s honestly been so long that I only remember being bitter and not the actual reasonings. I’ve learnt and regretted quite a bit, which was the same tone I used for the previous appeal, but this time I’m making the appeal with a different frame of mind. Last time, I claimed to be in a “better spot” but that spot was honestly just me being fuelled and stupid. This time, well, I hope my appeal shows.
I hate all that I did in the last weeks of my Knockturn experience. I hate it with such a burning passion that it sometimes keeps me awake at night just thinking “Why were you so stupid?” It’s a moment I look back with cringe, a moment I cringed at every time I thought of it ever since messaging Pandette, and that’s simultaneously why I never appealed and why I’m appealing now. With how I treated that night, I thought I was a laughing stock, and perhaps I was, but with how I reacted… that idea seems valid. I honestly chose my status with my “friends” on this server over common sense, which in hindsight, is a typical thing for someone my age to do. I was in that hate group discord with other banned members, and though I will once again say that I was nowhere near any of their actions and opinions, nowhere near that hatred and attacks, I wasn’t completely separated. I believe in my last appeal (which I’m not re-reading if I don’t have to) I said that I had nothing to do with it. I was angry, of course I was happy to listen and talk about that drama, even going so far as to try and solve who the whistleblower was (if there was even one). I messaged my friends about things I disagreed with using a very one sided point of view and spread tons of information that really, really didn’t need it. Funny how none of those friends talk to me anymore, I just found out today that the last one that actually did message me after my ban unfriended me after a couple months of not talking. There is not a single person remaining from Knockturn that still has any interest in me. Yet, despite this anger, this hatred, this cringe and betrayal, I long for an unban.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t appeal because eventually, they would forget me. All of this would be behind me and I would be forgotten to history, which is probably true, but I can’t help but feel like this is the correct course of action. I miss being involved in Quidditch, with probably hundreds of hours of practice in many roles. I miss coming online and having conversations with people in global. I miss walking the halls of this Hogwarts. It’s not the most beautiful Hogwarts out there, and it’s definitely not the smoothest running Hogwarts out there (unless something’s changed, here’s hoping!), but it’s still a prevalent place in my mind. It seems odd that a server of a game I no longer play is important to me, but as Pandette once said (roughly), “If we were normal, if we didn’t have problems, we wouldn’t be playing a Harry Potter Minecraft server”. I honestly doubt I’ll play much–maybe a bit of quidditch–because Minecraft and games in general aren’t really entertaining me any more, and I’ve honestly become a mental mess lately with a lot more academic responsibilities among other things. However, I do want my long forgotten story to not just be my ban, I suppose.
Now, I guess it’s time to talk about my actual ban and reasoning for why I wasn’t unbanned last time. I recall getting messaged this by Pandette in the previously mentioned DMs, so don’t panic and think I’m cheating on this appeal as well, please! My last appeal was denied because it was suspected by Max that I had staff messaging me about what was going on, because how could I have possibly appealed and defended against the hidden arguments? Yea… you got me there Max. In fact, that same appeal I had information that I shouldn’t of- I mean, how would I know it was Max that said no? Although I will spare my name a bit- I wasn’t maliciously going about, trying to hunt down information about my appeal, it came up in conversation with a moderator at the time (His profile was active 11 hours ago, so I don’t want to throw him under the bus) and it was essentially just a side mention. I did ask him if he thought that I had a chance at being unbanned, and he said something like “I don’t know, they’re concerned about X which I mean I can see why”. I asked him not to break the rules and tell me too much, but I definitely used the information I got in my appeal. I also got messaged by other people in the hate group who held connections with staff and were indeed getting their information maliciously about my appeal, and though I didn’t encourage it, I certainly used it. Those people are now banned I believe, but there’s no need to spread blame and say it’s all others’; doings when it centers on me. I still used it and I didn’t necessarily deny the information. You were right Max, job well done and an appeal denied with good reason!
As for the actual ban? Yea, I explained that in my last appeal. I just figured social standing meant I was above the rules, I was in my own head, and exploited what I discovered was open as an Admin. I can definitely confirm I am not doing that again, the whole point of this is to clear my name and try to get some good standing back, not tarnish it more. I believe in my last appeal I went really in depth about that idea, which does still apply.
Edit (4/14/2019): I believe that the hardest issue here is trust, and I understand why. Why would someone trust that I’ve supposedly changed and I should be let into the server now when I wasn’t before? Both this appeal and the last appeal took the path of ‘reveal the truth, be honest’ to signify change, but last appeal, as we all know, I wasn’t ready. How can I say that I’m ready now? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I honestly don’t know why someone reading this appeal should trust me when I say that I have changed, learned, and regretted. Nonetheless, I do hope you can trust me. I do hope you believe me when I say that I want to separate myself from my idiotic actions. I know myself, thus I know what the truth is, but I don’t know how to show that when my previous ‘showings’ had hidden things behind it. This appeal doesn’t have any hidden things aside from “I’m feeling nostalgic and sad”, and it’s not attempting to hide information (I don’t think? It’s been like 10 months, there could be something I ignored), but why take my word? I don’t know. I don’t know why this appeal should be trusted more than before, but I hope it is.
(Side note for the new staff and members in the past year or so: Hi! I’m Katna Malamius, a graduate of Hogwarts, and a complete non-player of Mord! You might have heard my name before, potentially in a joke or just on a sign somewhere. Funnily enough, the same person who wrote this appeal and was such a horrid personality was once good and was actually quite high in the staff ranks, in fact I was a co-owner once! I took that to my head too far, shared some admin chat on purpose (not maliciously, just one line for a joke), lied about it, got demoted, and eventually banned for something irrelevant. Hope I can meet y’all someday, I promise I’m not always as bad as my appeal sounds! Just thought I would add that information for context.)
Did you read our rules? (You will be asked to prove you did before being unbanned) I certainly know the rules. They’ve been ingrained in my head from the years of staff and the fact I helped write some of them.
Have you been banned and unbanned before this? As I said in my previous appeal, the server falsely auto banned me for sharing a link, but that doesn’t count.
Thanks for reading yet another one of my appeals, guys. I promise there won’t be any more. <3
Edit (4/14/2019): I’ve just been informed of the Mordonia split. The one reference to Mordonia in my appeal (“complete non-player of Mord!”) wasn’t intended to seem like I’m picking sides. I genuinely thought they were still together. My apologies.